Songs I Like: Flakes (Frank Zappa)

We are millions 'n' millions,
We're coming to get you
We're protected by unions
So don't let it upset you...

Frank Zappa was a very talented musician and songwriter who all too often sadly used his talents for very obscene, juvenile, and tasteless music. At the same time, he was a very influential musician, starting out with a kind of jazz that amazed listeners and changed the direction of the art form (along with Miles Davis) in the 1960s. Frank Zappa was a very accomplished guitar player, a mentor to such Guitar geniuses as Stevie Vai, and his band included stellar names such as Terry Bozio, Adrian Belew, and Jean-Luc Ponty.

Frank Zappa was an innovator as well, creating and using new techniques to produce records that won him acclaim in the 60's and 70's. He was a pioneer in music videos, although he came to mock and heavily deride what the medium became. Frank Zappa was an iconoclast and a reactionary, he would freely satirize and poke fun at modern culture, politicians, advertising, music and anything else he considered foolish or shallow.

While much of his music was profane or about subjects best left private, sometimes he wrote songs that were clean enough for airplay and always showed a wit and merry winking fun at life. Frank Zappa was said to reject all forms of drugs, to the point of firing people from his band for using them, but he certainly was jovial and energetic without them.

Flakes is a song about Southern California, shallow people, and unreliable work, something everyone is familiar with. It is set to an electronic sound only Zappa could make, but by the end swells to almost operatic power, as if to laugh at his own pretentious condemnation of others for their work ethic. Flakes is a lot of fun and an offering of what Frank Zappa could do if he just could restrain himself.

Flakes!!
Flakes!!
They don't do no good
They never be workin'
When they oughta should
They waste your time
They're wastin' mine
California's got the most of them
Boy, they got a host of them

Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
They got the

Flakes!!

They can't fix yer brakes
You ask 'em, *"Where's my motor?"*
*"Well, it was eaten by snakes..."*
You can stab 'n' shoot 'n' spit
But they won't be fixin' it
They're lyin' an' lazy
They can be drivin' you crazy

Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
Swear t'God they got the most
At every business on the coast
*[Take it away, Bob...]*

I asked as nice as I could
If my job would
Somehow be finished by Friday
Well, them whole damn weekend
came 'n' went, Frankie
*[Wanna buy some mandies, Bob?]*
'N' they didn't do nothin'
But they charged me double for Sunday

You know, no matter what you do,
They gonna cheat 'n' rob you
Then they'll send you a bill
That'll get your senses reelin'
And if you do not pay
They got computer collectors
That'll get you so crazy
'Til your head'll go through th' ceilin'
Yes it will!

I'm a moron, 'n' this is my wife
She's frosting a cake
With a paper knife
All what we got here's
American made
It's a little bit cheesey,
But it's nicely displayed
Well we don't get excited when it
Crumbles 'n' breaks
We just get on the phone
And call up some
They rush on over
'N' wreck it some more
'N' we are so dumb
They're linin' up at our door
Well, the toilet went crazy
Yersterday afternoon
The plumber he says
*Never flush a tampoon!*
This great information
Cost me half a week's pay
And the toilet blew up
Later on the next day-ay-eee-ay
Blew up the next day
WOO-OOO

We are millions 'n' millions,
We're coming to get you
We're protected by unions
So don't let it upset you
Can't escape the conclusion
It's probably God's Will
That civilization
Will grind to a standstill
And we are the people
Who will make it all happen
While yer children is sleepin',
Yer puppy is crappin'
You might call us
Or something else you might coin us
But we know you're so greedy
That you'll probably join us

We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you
We're coming to get you, we're coming to get you...

Music