MINI SONGS

Remember Demolition Man? The blockbuster with Sylvester Stallone (named John Spartan, incidentally - all the names were like that) and cutie Sandra Bullock? Remember the scene where it was revealed that the trend in pop music was "mini songs" from ads of our day?

Lenina Huxley: Perhaps you'd like to hear an oldies station?
Radio cut in: "...oh, what a relief it is!"
Lenina Huxley: This is the town's most popular station.
Alfredo Garcia: Wall-to-wall mini-tunes. You called them "commercials."
Radio: The classic you've been waiting for, the number one request: "Armour Hot Dogs."
"Kids eat Armour Hot Dogs.... "
Alfredo Garcia: This is my fave!
(Alfredo and Lenina sing along with the radio): "Skinny kids, kids who climb on rocks Tall kids, sissy kids, even kids with chicken pox love hot dogs
Armour Hot Dogs, the dogs kids love to bite!"
John Spartan: Someone put me back in the fridge.

I'm with Spartan. The thing is... remember when theme songs from TV shows were, you know, songs? When a song like the intro for Rockford Files or the theme from Hill Street Blues and Cheers actually were top 40 hits? Because they were 3 minute songs that you could recognize and enjoy? They've been replaced by 10-30 second clips, there's no song any more. You get a moment of music with the hyper-fast cuts and intro, and off go the commercials. It seems the producers of television programs figured out that this music and introduction was simply using up valuable commercial time. Even the end of the show is usually split screened so you get the unreadably tiny credits scrolling by at mach 2 with an ad next to them.

I liked a lot of old television show themes. Some of them were really great, and still recognizable. How many notes of Hawaii 5-0 do you need to hear to recognize the song? How about Suicide is Painless - stumped? That's the theme to M*A*S*H. Here's my top ten TV theme songs in no particular order, just because:

• Miami Vice - All the music fit what was on the screen, Jan Hammer's genius contribution to television series that was unprecedented. When the screen went boom, the music matched it. When the girls walked by in bikinis, the kettle drums boomed. Nobody had done that in TV before, just movies.
  
• Simon & Simon - the show is still pretty good, but the music is some of the best theme music ever on television
• Rockford Files - especially the version with Jim Rockford's answering machine, which started every show.
• Hill Street Blues - poignant and dramatic, but not sappy.
• Beverley Hillbillies - I just love this old timey stuff, bluegrass work by Flatt & Scruggs.
• Mission Impossible - Just classic, with a jazz beat to it, not the 4/4 dance version that the movies use.
• Battlestar Galactica - the original, not the soap opera new version. Starts out with a bang and feels more like a movie theme song than television
• Dragnet - another incredibly memorable song, just the first four notes and everyone knows what it is.
• Peter Gunn - even the Emerson Lake, and Palmer or Brian Setzer versions are great.
• I Dream of Jeannie - another 60s boppin jazz song, great stuff that even has the whoosh of Jeannie coming out of her bottle. Odd that this hasn't been made into a movie yet. I'm an idiot. Clearly, as President Friedman notes, Rawhide has to be on this list - sung by the inimitable Frankie Lane. Great song, although I don't know if I've seen a single show.
  

Honorable Mention: Sanford and Son, Cheers, M*A*S*H (I like the movie version much better), WKRP in Cincinatti, Twilight Zone, Star Trek, Andy Griffith, Maverick, Alfred Hitchcock Presents, Sesame Street, 77 Sunset Strip, Jeopardy, Match Game, Airwolf, Magnum PI, Sienfeld, and Bonanza. Did you know there are words to the Bonanza theme? I heard the song by Johnny Cash.

I'm sure I missed some. We'll all miss them now, since they've disappeared from our airwaves.

*UPDATE: Dump I Dream of Jeannie to the honorable mention list - Rawhide has to be up there in the top 10!
**UPDATE: Take a look at the TV Theme Song Quiz here, with music clips!

Music, Television