Songs I Like: Cosmik Debris (Frank Zappa)

I said some Mumbo Jumbo, then
An' told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' pocket watch
An' everything else I found

I've written about a Frank Zappa song before (Flakes) pointing out that Zappa's genius and talent was somewhat eclipsed by his juvenile topics and incredibly foul lyrics far too often. In a way it reminds me of the story of John Newton who said he used his wit and musical ability to create the most foul and bitter things he could, turning his talents toward wrong rather than right. Of course, Newton ended up writing Amazing Grace, so it worked out, but not so much for Frank Zappa.

Still, some of Zappa's work was clean enough and all of it shows a great musical talent. He was a mentor to many very talented rock musicians, and in the end, he'll be judged as flawed, but incredibly gifted.

Cosmik Debris is a song mocking mysticism and mumbo jumbo. It makes fun of palm reading, astrology, fortune telling, and so on, with Zappa's characteristic light hearted fun. Say what you will about the man, he always enjoyed himself and played music for the fun, not for some pretentious aspiration of the art of it.

Mild content warning.

The Mystery Man came over
An' he said: "I'm outta-site!"
He said, for a nominal service charge,
I could reach nirvana tonight
If I was ready, willing 'n able
To pay him his regular fee
He would drop all the rest of his pressing affairs
And devote His Attention to me
But I said
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me

The Mystery Man got nervous
An' he fidget around a bit
He reached in the pocket of his Mystery Robe
An' he whipped out a shaving kit
Now, I thought it was a razor
An' a can of foamin' goo
But he told me right then when the top popped open
There was nothin' his box won't do
With the oil of Aphrodite
An' the dust of the Grand Wazoo
He said:
"You might not believe this, little fella, but it'll cure your Asthma too!"
An' I said
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now what kind of a guru are you anyway?)
Look here brother,
Don't you waste your time on me
Don't waste your time

I've got troubles of my own, I said
An' you can't help me out
So take your meditations an' your preparations
An' ram it up your snout
"but I got a crystal ball!," he said
An' held it to the light
So I snatched it
All away from him
An' I showed him how to do it right
I wrapped a newspaper 'round my head
So I'd look like I was Deep
I said some Mumbo Jumbo, then
An' told him he was goin' to sleep
I robbed his rings
An' pocket watch
An' everything else I found
I had that sucker hypnotized
He couldn't even make a sound

I proceeded to tell him his future then
As long as he was hanging around,
I said
"The price of meat has just gone up
An' yer ol' lady has just gone down"
Look here brother,
Who you jivin' with that Cosmik Debris?
(Now is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?)
Don't you know,
You could make more money as a butcher,
So don't you waste your time on me
(Don't waste it, don't waste your time on me)
Ohm shonty, ohm shanti, ohm shanti-ohm
SHANTI

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